Grammar-Driven Bobby Knight Moments from your Humble Correspondent

My friend Dennis pointed out (another) funny contest on Woot. Reading through the forum postings, I began to foam and gibber at stuff like:

Yeah what would happen if a company made it's products only compatible with each other?

and (note comment at top of shot):

I continue to be appalled at the illiteracy displayed even in relatively up-brainy fora like Woot. (OK, so the Latinate plural of "forum" is a bit over the top.) I'm starting to think that the Grammar Police should check up on everyone who hasn't figured out the difference between a possessive, a contraction, and a plural by the age of 18; the still-clueless have their right pinky-tip removed, as a public service. Lest you think I'm too brutal, let me hasten to add that whoever can demonstrate the correct usage of "they're", "their", and "there" will have anesthesia administered first.

Post-surgery recidivists are legally required to use keyboards wherein the quote keycap features a vertical needle. For misusers of "two", "to", and "too", however (I almost said "on the other hand"), the surgery is performed by a Rottweiler.

No, don't thank me, I'm happy to serve such an important cause. Language is all that separates us from the creationists, after all.